I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
