sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
