u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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