I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
