it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
