His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need moral support for this bender
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
