Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
