How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
