I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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