i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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