she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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