What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
