I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
whose ass print is on the piano?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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