If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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