Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
