Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
