Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
