Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
