I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
