after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
