Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
