Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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