if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
