i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
