He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
