My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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