the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
