I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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