I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
