This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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