so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
