I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
