Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
