I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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