Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
