I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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