Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
