it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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