Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
