we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
