hotel room ftw
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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