my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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