Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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