im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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