could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
