I'm drive I can fine osifer
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
