went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
