Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
