Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We are two peas in an std pod
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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