she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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