The maid of honor just puked.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
