I think scott just propositioned me for sex
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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