I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This is the high leading the old right now
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
