We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Your penis caused this!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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