Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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