even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
