Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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