my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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